Vikings are the new Pirate

Oh epiphanic moment! How you twist the heart and sunder it in twain and then rebuild it stronger than before! What I held most deeply and tenderly in my soul as truth has been proven dire and sinister indeed.

Of the greatest question of all mankind, there existed in my mind no doubt as to the proper answer. I fought and I argued and I sought to prove that the Pirate was vastly superior to the Ninja and the Robot. But lo, like everything in Australia is upside down (as proven below)....my recent trip there has upended my long held belief. PIRATES! screamed the huge banner outside the Australian Maritime Museum in Sydney. So sinister, the giant sign! I simply had to make the pilgrimage inside...

...and what I found crushed me so completely, so dashed my love of the Piratical life on the rocks of corporatism and kitsch, that I can barely stand to look at the Jolly Roger or muster a half-hearted "Yaaarrrr!". One small paragrah informational panel surrounded by the single worst museum display for kids. Pirates have been reduced to a marketing ploy....the alternaprofession du jour. Awww, look at cute little Timmy with his eyepatch and plastic cutlass! These are not the pirates of yore. These aren't the men that drink gallons of rum and then gut you with a stilletto knife! These aren't the ones battling powerful storms on eight story ocean waves while barely holding on to a thread of life!

These are the nouveau pirate. And we should be ashamed. So I've been on a soul search for a new archetype. Clearly I could never surrender myself to Ninjadom. Only fools like my Good Friend Parag submit their will to the Robot side of things. Outside the box. Must think big.

VIKINGS! Nothing has tainted their will, their power, or their legend. On this great northern land I shall plant my flag...until the rest of the world catches up with me and ruins it.