Blue Ribbon Winner

While the theme was rejected by the rest of my team for this year's Rival theme (*2006 proved that we were indeed in a constant battle with ourselves...dur!), it is the theme of one of the latest AP/AOL polls. I'm not sure I trust that AOL part, considering they had that whole system of AOL Keywords for 5 years that nobody ever used and they flooded my personal mailbox with hundreds of coasters that just happened to look like 99 hour free trials. Well I showed them like I showed BMG music club back in the day (well, Edward Coker, Ned Coker, Suzanne Coker, and Andrew Coker showed BMG)...by signing up with multiple accounts and stretching into a free year of AOL. Don't tell them please, their lawyers are mean enough to squash my high school friend and his bulletin board dreams of Atlanta On Line. If you know what a BBS is, you get extra geek cred from me.

Back to bipolarity.

President Bush is unanimously the Hero and Villain of the year according to the American People.

In the villain category he won by a landslide. The kind that the Smashing Pumpkins covered. The kind that probably almost came out in a summer blockbuster at the same time as Deep Impact, Dante's Inferno, Volcano, Armageddon, and Speed 2: Cruise Control, but was scrapped at the last minute for fear that the theatre-going public would be saturated with implausible, escapist imagery. 1 in 4 put him at the top of the list. That makes him primo first pick for playground bully.

Osama Bin Laden, finishing behind him, had this to say..."At some point you begin to pity the whale and blame the Captain...even when the Captain is picking his nose in Iraq."

Saddam Hussein, facing execution some day before the end of January, replied, "I can't believe they didn't pick the Amerifascist that shot the dude in the face. I mean seriously, he's got that whole Grand Moff Tarkin vibe going on. Bush is more like a Watto type."

As for hero of the year, the President narrowly beat out the Troops in Iraq.

Peering to their left on the three-tiered medal stand, America's Troops observed, "Well, I guess if it weren't for him, we wouldn't have been invited to the 2007 Herolympics. We thought we'd peaked in 2003! Mission Accomplished sure was a sneaky trick at reverse psychology!"

Because Americans think celebrities are Heroic and Villainous, they were polled about Hollywood. 3 in 10 viewed Mrs. Spears as the creme de la crap. Big surprise. 2nd place Paris Hilton, Third Sign of the Apocalypse was shortly followed by Mr. Apocalypto, Mel Gibson.

29 percent of America is brainwashed into thinking Oprah Winfrey is da bomb, and Michael J. Fox finished 2nd. Third was superhottie George Clooney (I personally think it was for Goodnight and Good Luck, although I doubt if 1% of America liked the movie like they should).

And finally, because America and Celebrity can't be uttered in the same sentence without them--Angelina Jolie quadrupled her man's 2 percent of the vote. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got 2%, because 2% of the population is either made up of Scientologists or people who are afraid Cruise will lead an army of aliens against us unless they vote properly.

I know you were wondering...here's my list.

Villain of the year: Bush (a no brainer)

Hero of the year: Indiana Jones (also a no brainer)

Vikings are the new Pirate

Oh epiphanic moment! How you twist the heart and sunder it in twain and then rebuild it stronger than before! What I held most deeply and tenderly in my soul as truth has been proven dire and sinister indeed.

Of the greatest question of all mankind, there existed in my mind no doubt as to the proper answer. I fought and I argued and I sought to prove that the Pirate was vastly superior to the Ninja and the Robot. But lo, like everything in Australia is upside down (as proven below)....my recent trip there has upended my long held belief. PIRATES! screamed the huge banner outside the Australian Maritime Museum in Sydney. So sinister, the giant sign! I simply had to make the pilgrimage inside...

...and what I found crushed me so completely, so dashed my love of the Piratical life on the rocks of corporatism and kitsch, that I can barely stand to look at the Jolly Roger or muster a half-hearted "Yaaarrrr!". One small paragrah informational panel surrounded by the single worst museum display for kids. Pirates have been reduced to a marketing ploy....the alternaprofession du jour. Awww, look at cute little Timmy with his eyepatch and plastic cutlass! These are not the pirates of yore. These aren't the men that drink gallons of rum and then gut you with a stilletto knife! These aren't the ones battling powerful storms on eight story ocean waves while barely holding on to a thread of life!

These are the nouveau pirate. And we should be ashamed. So I've been on a soul search for a new archetype. Clearly I could never surrender myself to Ninjadom. Only fools like my Good Friend Parag submit their will to the Robot side of things. Outside the box. Must think big.

VIKINGS! Nothing has tainted their will, their power, or their legend. On this great northern land I shall plant my flag...until the rest of the world catches up with me and ruins it.

Tipped scales

The richest 2% of adilts own more than 1/2 of the world's household wealth.

The richest 10% of adults accounts for 80% of the assets.

The bottom 50% of the world's adult population owns barely 1%.

America has 6% of the world's population, and 34% of its household wealth.

Boingy Boingy

Back from Australia. If you go there: Margaret River. Plain and simple--good wine, beeeeeeautiful landscapes, and wild kangaroos and bunnyrabbits galore.

Erin and I survived driving on the wrong side of the road. We survived the limited choice of fish and chips or fish and chips for lunch in many small towns. I watched her play awesome at Worlds. I came back with a renewed love of ultimate and a new hope and determination for the next year of play as well as a hatred for my injury during nationals. I now (mostly) understand cricket and rugby and now realize that they are much more exciting than baseball and hockey.

Seriously.

Its good to come back to the right side of the road, no option for fish and chips and free ketchup, and a couple of dogs. G'day Yanks!

Viva la vote!

AMERICA RESPONDS TO RENAISSANCE TAN!
Thanks for reading and listening voters! Oh joyous House of Representatives, you are blue again--and probably Senate. And Donald Rumsfeld runs like a little girl.

Still a success.

I don't want to say a whole lot more about Nationals this year. We were close--SO CLOSE. We can do better.

Despite the votes to the contrary, Jekyll and Hyde perhaps should have been our logo.

I pity the teams that will encounter me with a healed hamstring--I've been inspired by my teammates like I never have been before--and I'll try my hardest to live up to my index card.

Basic Comprehension.

I read this, and I remember this. It's times like this where I remember the above, and see this.

His administration better take this election as a mandate from the people--it's a much clearer one than he got before.

Time after time they've done the wrong thing or nothing at all, and haven't been held (or held themselves) accountable.

I started writing a list of things--HUGE NATION AND WORLD CHANGING THINGS--that the administration and congress have done the exact opposite of their civic, public, and moral duty for...but I decided to swipe it and just plea that you vote with your minds and what you feel deep down in your heart is right.

Another thing on my mind. The media hasn't really been doing their job in Iraq. Whether that's their fault or the US Military's pathetic "enbed" program, I feel like I don't have any real visual reference for the war in Iraq. As a citizen, I should. Everything is very much third person.

Is this not why you are here?!

I couldn't be prouder of my team. 15-4 in the finals. Winning all games. Bring it Sarasota. Atlanta is coming!!! ALL OF US!