Like totally karmic

Few things have disappointed me on a cosmic scale as much as last week when I got some takeout Chinese food and was denied my AMERICAN RIGHT to read my fortune upon cracking the eery pseudough of my after-dinner treat. My cries of outrage must've reached the heavens...for just now I reached to my prepackaged dessert to find two cookies packaged where one had been each time before. I named my two new friends Chang and Eng, for they had lived so long, so close together in in a plastic prison that must've tested the dexterity of the machine that sealed it and the social graces of the two cookies inside.

And much to my happiness, there were fortunes in each of them. For each fortune I read, I don't add "in bed" to the end like most people do. Instead, I try to imagine who wrote each cookie and why.

Fortune 1 (I ate the surrounding pseudough)
Penned by a descendent of Dr. Frankenstein named Teddy Franks (geneology was tough to prove considering the Americanization of the name once his grandfather arrived at Ellis Island in 1911), this bit of invaluable and enigmatic advice acts as both a family motto and as a call to arms for his new branch of research involving the Asian concept of chi and the time-honored pursuit of immortality.
"Try to channel excess energies into rejuvenation."

Fortune 2 (One folded morsel of pseudough is enough)
Lovingly crafted in a dark apartment strewn with pizza boxes, the glare of a computer with a greasy mouse and a crumb-caked keyboard by Harry Holcomb. Bereft of real friends thanks to staggering social behaviours he cares not to change but exhibits freely on various less-than-wholesome websites on a pay-by-basis, he has compartmentalized his bits of conversation into several easy-to-understand English phrases that are designed not to wow, but convey his "interest" in people. No thanks Harry, I'm not buying what you're selling. It's going to take more than a vacuous compliment to rattle my cage!
"You are talented in many ways."

Tracing back the branches

Will Hindmarch, Vampire: The Requiem developer, renaissance man, and irrefutable fuddy-duddy, forwarded an article around to the office a week or two ago. I just got around to reading it this morning as I was waiting for my check engine light to be checked (everything's A-OK).

LARPing, a phenomenon in Scandinavia? Even I don't go THIS far!

It's an interesting trip through the prehistory of my job. For anyone who could in any way, shape, or form be considered to have a nerdish streak, this article will fascinate you. For those who yearn to understand their nerdish spouses, partners, or relatives, it might help you unlock their inner secrets.
Without further ado, here is the article.

Uncle Walt

Disney is great and all. Some people even have an unfortunate obsession with it. Yet I speak not of the man subject to much conspiratorial speculation. He's the salt of the earth. American Poet. Introducing Walt Whitman. I heard this poem on NPR. Me like the words. Me repost them here.

Reconciliation

Word over all, beautiful as the sky,

Beautiful that war and all its deeds of carnage must in time be utterly lost,

That the hands of the sisters Death and Night incessantly softly wash again, and ever again, this solid world;

For my enemy is dead, a man divine as myself is dead,

I look where he lies white-faced and still in the coffin--I draw near,

Bend down and touch lightly with my lips the white face in the coffin.

The Adventures of Salaried Man!

"To create a little flower is the labour of ages." - William Blake

Well, hell, ain't that the truth. I am proud to say that finally, after much time and effort, I have finally become a working stiff. My warm body will fuel the capitalistic machine and integrate itself into the great American Dream.

My wonderful internship (thanks Kelley!) at White Wolf Publishing has finally blossomed into a beautiful flower that is a paycheck. I'll be doing sales and marketing for DriveThruRPG, which sells .PDF (digital copies) of roleplaying game books. It's housed in the same offices as my internship, so I won't have to move my cubicle stuff far, if at all. Click the image above and BUY LOTS OF STUFF!!

Basically I'll be acquiring and maintaining publishers to host their products on our site. There are a couple things down the road that I'll be handling as well, but they might be top secret. So you'll just have to wait! I'll also be doing some traveling throughout the year on the company buck--to gaming conventions.

I know, I know. It's a rough life. But somebody's got to live it.

This post might be edited later with more info, but right now I'm off to finish up some ongoing projects for my internship.

Two-Times-Twitching Double Peace Signs

As my wife will attest, few things are driving me crazier these days than the way the news is delivered. Don't get me wrong, NPR actually does a good job, even if they interrupt every third sentence with a plea for money. Every once and a while I'll get a smattering of BBC or some regular print media that's worthwhile. The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have more substance than that of which I speak.

CNN and FoxNews. I don't watch a lot of Fox News for obvious reasons. But CNN's Headline News and CNN.com are a few of the primary ways I receive information about the world around me. And it is weighing on my soul. They are all guilty (video link!). Every last one of them!

I speak of course, of the "Flying Tomato" Syndrome. Or, as the title of this post explains, the exessive use of quotation marks around items they consider newsworthy. I've been noticing it for a long time, but it wasn't till they started covering the Winter Olympics in Torino (remember this Bode Miller!) that I realized the full extent of the destruction wrought. Poor Shaun White, skateboarder extraordinaire and now-holder of one of those wondrous gold medals. He doesn't even know who he is anymore, as news reporters stopped calling him Shaun White and affixed the name "Flying Tomato" to him as a story hook and something that's supposed to make middle-aged-women-of-the-heartland-smile. I doubt any of his fans are middle-aged women.

Granted, most of the local news is actually gloom and doom. But there's some substance, some explaining of the world around us and the interaction between people. As far as I'm concerned, celebrities don't deserve news unless they do something good. The cult of personality needs to end at MTV for those without any real political power, especially if its just an exploration of their relationships. For the past two weeks or so there's been a top running story about the Cruise baby. Will he eat it alive? Does he keep Katie Holmes locked in a cage? It's name confuses Jewish people (audio link)? NOT news. There's a video of "Baby, dad, grandpa share birthday" but not of " Nepal protests give way to joy" on CNN.com right now.

So while it seems to be a severe prioritizing problem, is it really? I know that bashing 24-hour news cycles is becoming quotidian. But it is necessary. It is a business. The News is just as much a part of our education as adults as evolution/creationism is for our kids. People pick sides, but it is important. But nobody seems up in arms about the disturbing divergence from real journalism it has taken. It has become damn emasculated and fluffified. There's little or no coverage of warfare like we had in Vietnam. No pictures allowed of even the caskets of soldiers killed in combat. I haven't seen one story about a war veteran who was injured in combat. These are some of the most important stories of our time, and instead we get space taken up with "Teen diver bangs head on diving board". Blech.

Apologies for not updating this more recently in the past couple months. I've been a busy busy bee at work.

Poésie rouge de cou

Warrior's Tomb

Gently raised on high
Amidst the long-bladed grass
Cinder-blocked Chevy

Good ol' Appalachia!

Conversation with an Olympian

I am Bode, hear me snore!

I was IMing with my lovely wife today. On the bottom left of the little chat screen I see a link that says "IM with JoinBode". Being the Olympictician that I am, I immediately clicked on it. Here is my conversation with downhill skier and corporate icon, Bode Miller.

grantparkcoker: Bode Miller?

joinbode: Wassup Grantparkcoker! I'm JoinBode, brought 2 u by Nike. 2 read my privacy policy, click here.Ready 2 Join Bode? Type home right now!

grantparkcoker: Is anyone there?

joinbode: Anyone almost certainly is.

grantparkcoker: Bode, or Bodeist....why has Bode not won any medals?

joinbode: Because.

grantparkcoker: Because? Because Nike spent so much money supporting this ad campaign of him as a rebel when all he is is just a whiney sub-par athlete who peaked 4 years ago?

joinbode:

grantparkcoker: You are as vacuous and innane as Bode, you IM bot!

joinbode: What r u asking me?

grantparkcoker: I thought Bode Miller was more eloquent...vaguer, but more eloquent. Cannot the almighty Bode Miller type using full words such as "are" and "you"?

joinbode:

grantparkcoker: Exxon might run their oil tankers aground, causing the deaths of thousands of innocent animals. Nike might ruin the lives of hundreds of overseas children in their sweatshops...but you are ruining the olympic spirit Bode Miller! You are eroding the one thing capable of bringing the world together with your corporate ventriloquism!

joinbode:

grantparkcoker: How can I join Bode?

joinbode: JoinBode.com is a way 2 discover the philosopy of Bode Miller. And in the spirit of discovery, JoinBode.com allows u 2 explore Bode's environment: his home, where he trains, where he hangs out, his hometown.Ready 2 Join Bode? Click here.

grantparkcoker: Oh, I know what his environment is: home - Nike headquarters training place: his own mind! hangout: Ego-Central Pizza hometown: definitely not the medal stand.

joinbode:

grantparkcoker: Nike?

joinbode: What about Nike?

grantparkcoker: Why does Nike endorse you?

joinbode: Hmm... I really dunno why Nike endorses me.

Telling, I think. Oh, and did you see the one about the Olympian who didn't want to win a medal? Shani Davis. What's wrong with America? We're either 16 year old gnarly chicks or egotistic maniacs!

Employment! Sorta.

After much searching, patience, and distress...I finally found an internship! Not only that, but it is perfect for what I was looking for on a personal and professional level.

You are now reading the blog of the sole marketing intern at White Wolf Publishing. Next time you see me in person or e-mail me, ask me about it. I don't have time to list the great things about it here. The ONLY bad thing about it is it is unpaid--so wish me luck as I try to weasel my way into a paycheck over the next few weeks by proving my worth to my boss and my bosses boss and whoever else here could be my boss. You can read more about White Wolf in the (slightly dated) Wikipedia Entry and more about the industry here.

For those often visiting members of my blog, I'm busy trying to make a name for myuself, but promise to post something else soonish.