Friday, December 29, 2006

Blue Ribbon Winner

While the theme was rejected by the rest of my team for this year's Rival theme (*2006 proved that we were indeed in a constant battle with ourselves...dur!), it is the theme of one of the latest AP/AOL polls. I'm not sure I trust that AOL part, considering they had that whole system of AOL Keywords for 5 years that nobody ever used and they flooded my personal mailbox with hundreds of coasters that just happened to look like 99 hour free trials. Well I showed them like I showed BMG music club back in the day (well, Edward Coker, Ned Coker, Suzanne Coker, and Andrew Coker showed BMG)...by signing up with multiple accounts and stretching into a free year of AOL. Don't tell them please, their lawyers are mean enough to squash my high school friend and his bulletin board dreams of Atlanta On Line. If you know what a BBS is, you get extra geek cred from me.

Back to bipolarity.

President Bush is unanimously the Hero and Villain of the year according to the American People.

In the villain category he won by a landslide. The kind that the Smashing Pumpkins covered. The kind that probably almost came out in a summer blockbuster at the same time as Deep Impact, Dante's Inferno, Volcano, Armageddon, and Speed 2: Cruise Control, but was scrapped at the last minute for fear that the theatre-going public would be saturated with implausible, escapist imagery. 1 in 4 put him at the top of the list. That makes him primo first pick for playground bully.

Osama Bin Laden, finishing behind him, had this to say..."At some point you begin to pity the whale and blame the Captain...even when the Captain is picking his nose in Iraq."

Saddam Hussein, facing execution some day before the end of January, replied, "I can't believe they didn't pick the Amerifascist that shot the dude in the face. I mean seriously, he's got that whole Grand Moff Tarkin vibe going on. Bush is more like a Watto type."

As for hero of the year, the President narrowly beat out the Troops in Iraq.

Peering to their left on the three-tiered medal stand, America's Troops observed, "Well, I guess if it weren't for him, we wouldn't have been invited to the 2007 Herolympics. We thought we'd peaked in 2003! Mission Accomplished sure was a sneaky trick at reverse psychology!"

Because Americans think celebrities are Heroic and Villainous, they were polled about Hollywood. 3 in 10 viewed Mrs. Spears as the creme de la crap. Big surprise. 2nd place Paris Hilton, Third Sign of the Apocalypse was shortly followed by Mr. Apocalypto, Mel Gibson.

29 percent of America is brainwashed into thinking Oprah Winfrey is da bomb, and Michael J. Fox finished 2nd. Third was superhottie George Clooney (I personally think it was for Goodnight and Good Luck, although I doubt if 1% of America liked the movie like they should).

And finally, because America and Celebrity can't be uttered in the same sentence without them--Angelina Jolie quadrupled her man's 2 percent of the vote. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got 2%, because 2% of the population is either made up of Scientologists or people who are afraid Cruise will lead an army of aliens against us unless they vote properly.

I know you were wondering...here's my list.

Villain of the year: Bush (a no brainer)

Hero of the year: Indiana Jones (also a no brainer)

Friday, December 15, 2006

Vikings are the new Pirate

Oh epiphanic moment! How you twist the heart and sunder it in twain and then rebuild it stronger than before! What I held most deeply and tenderly in my soul as truth has been proven dire and sinister indeed.

Of the greatest question of all mankind, there existed in my mind no doubt as to the proper answer. I fought and I argued and I sought to prove that the Pirate was vastly superior to the Ninja and the Robot. But lo, like everything in Australia is upside down (as proven below)....my recent trip there has upended my long held belief. PIRATES! screamed the huge banner outside the Australian Maritime Museum in Sydney. So sinister, the giant sign! I simply had to make the pilgrimage inside...

...and what I found crushed me so completely, so dashed my love of the Piratical life on the rocks of corporatism and kitsch, that I can barely stand to look at the Jolly Roger or muster a half-hearted "Yaaarrrr!". One small paragrah informational panel surrounded by the single worst museum display for kids. Pirates have been reduced to a marketing ploy....the alternaprofession du jour. Awww, look at cute little Timmy with his eyepatch and plastic cutlass! These are not the pirates of yore. These aren't the men that drink gallons of rum and then gut you with a stilletto knife! These aren't the ones battling powerful storms on eight story ocean waves while barely holding on to a thread of life!

These are the nouveau pirate. And we should be ashamed. So I've been on a soul search for a new archetype. Clearly I could never surrender myself to Ninjadom. Only fools like my Good Friend Parag submit their will to the Robot side of things. Outside the box. Must think big.

VIKINGS! Nothing has tainted their will, their power, or their legend. On this great northern land I shall plant my flag...until the rest of the world catches up with me and ruins it.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Tipped scales

The richest 2% of adilts own more than 1/2 of the world's household wealth.

The richest 10% of adults accounts for 80% of the assets.

The bottom 50% of the world's adult population owns barely 1%.

America has 6% of the world's population, and 34% of its household wealth.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Boingy Boingy

Back from Australia. If you go there: Margaret River. Plain and simple--good wine, beeeeeeautiful landscapes, and wild kangaroos and bunnyrabbits galore.

Erin and I survived driving on the wrong side of the road. We survived the limited choice of fish and chips or fish and chips for lunch in many small towns. I watched her play awesome at Worlds. I came back with a renewed love of ultimate and a new hope and determination for the next year of play as well as a hatred for my injury during nationals. I now (mostly) understand cricket and rugby and now realize that they are much more exciting than baseball and hockey.

Seriously.

Its good to come back to the right side of the road, no option for fish and chips and free ketchup, and a couple of dogs. G'day Yanks!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Viva la vote!

AMERICA RESPONDS TO RENAISSANCE TAN!
Thanks for reading and listening voters! Oh joyous House of Representatives, you are blue again--and probably Senate. And Donald Rumsfeld runs like a little girl.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Still a success.

I don't want to say a whole lot more about Nationals this year. We were close--SO CLOSE. We can do better.

Despite the votes to the contrary, Jekyll and Hyde perhaps should have been our logo.

I pity the teams that will encounter me with a healed hamstring--I've been inspired by my teammates like I never have been before--and I'll try my hardest to live up to my index card.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Basic Comprehension.

I read this, and I remember this. It's times like this where I remember the above, and see this.

His administration better take this election as a mandate from the people--it's a much clearer one than he got before.

Time after time they've done the wrong thing or nothing at all, and haven't been held (or held themselves) accountable.

I started writing a list of things--HUGE NATION AND WORLD CHANGING THINGS--that the administration and congress have done the exact opposite of their civic, public, and moral duty for...but I decided to swipe it and just plea that you vote with your minds and what you feel deep down in your heart is right.

Another thing on my mind. The media hasn't really been doing their job in Iraq. Whether that's their fault or the US Military's pathetic "enbed" program, I feel like I don't have any real visual reference for the war in Iraq. As a citizen, I should. Everything is very much third person.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Is this not why you are here?!



I couldn't be prouder of my team. 15-4 in the finals. Winning all games. Bring it Sarasota. Atlanta is coming!!! ALL OF US!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Wag of the finger to Fox.

Hallelujah! Preach it William!

Part one. Part two. Part three.

Some of the more interesting YouTube comments:

"Did anyone notice the video editing? Watch it again very carefully - whenever Bill leans forward in his chair (like he does when he feels intensely about something), they'd cut to a wide shot.. and then cut back very quickly. It's a trick used in suspense films all the time - the film editor at Fox is trying to make us think Bill's not just angry, he's unstable. If this sounds like paranoia to you, then show me any other TV interview *ever* where the editing looked like this."

"A President that can speak! And he is smart! What a frikkin difference from the retard chimp!!!"

"Little Chrissie Wallace got clobbered by the BIG DOG!!!"

"Clinton is an amazing lier. He is a gifted speaker but cant protect the american people."
--to which the next comment in reply was "You are absolutely retarded"

"Clinton should have just ripped his head off. You could tell that he wanted to."

"What really sucks is that we will never see clips of Bush asked similarly hard and biased questions, especially by Fox News. This is unfortunate for one big reason -- its sheer entertainment value. It would be like watching an episode of "Kids Say the Darndest Things" except the answers would be twice as nonsensical and instead of Cosby asking the questions it would be some smug douche bag wearing a giant pink tie."

Friday, September 22, 2006

Double Dose

It's funny how philosophy can drip back into your life at odd times. Twice today, while waiting for PDFs to print at lower resolution (the glamorous part of my job--let me tell you!), I've been halted to ponder my spiritual path. The first occured while reading Promethean: The Created, the newest game from White Wolf Publishing--where I had my internship before I got hired on at DriveThruComics.com. It's basically a roleplaying game where you play a "Frankenstein's monster"--waking up as a fully grown "Promethean" having been made by another Promethean. The end goal of your character is to attain humanity through a long pilgrimage. Like Frankenstein's monster, your character is ultimately rejected by humans who instinctively realize that you aren't one of them....ANYWAYS, there's a passage describing one of the philosophies that characters can adopt--called the refinement of Gold or Aurum:

The soul is a riddle that drives the Aurum. What the soul is has confounded human philosophers for centuries, so the Promethean who takes up the Refinement of Gold doesn't expect to actually find the answer. (If she does at first, she loses this rather grandiose goal in short order.) According to some philosophies, a soul isn't a birthright, it must be attained through devotion, prayer, obedience or other spiritual practices. According to others, humans are born with a soul that they can then cherish or corrupt as they see fit. It's not hard to guess which of these mindsets the Aurum prefer.

Interesting stuff--I hadn't really thought of the "soul" in that regard. I've always adopted the other philosophy mentioned there. Either one is a good argument for "Right" behavior and seem equally compelling.

Then I read an article on Jet Li's Fearless, supposedly his last action film--which is a tragedy in and of itself. The below is an excerpt from the interview, which I found surprising.

"Fearless," Li said, perfectly fits his vision of wushu as more than just self-defense but a path to self-discipline and spiritual peace.

Herein lies the central dichotomy: the Chinese characters for wushu are Zhi (meaning "stop" or "do not") and Ge (meaning "fight" or "war"). Together, Li said, they translate to "stop fighting."

It's a contradiction that's weighed on Li, whose Hollywood films (among them "Romeo Must Die," "The One" and "Unleashed") have been more spectacle that spiritual.

"The message was only how to kick ass, to learn some special move to kill the bad guy," Li said. "But something was missing. [Wushu] is also about how to control yourself, how to become a nice person."

He adds: "Making movies is not my life; it's part of my life."

It's a distinction that was thrown into sharp relief when he and his family were caught in the 2004 tsunami while vacationing in South Asia.

On a trip to the pool with his two small daughters, Li noticed people running toward his hotel, so he started running too. Within a few steps, waves hit his hips, then his chest.

"Then it was too late, the water makes you float," Li said.

When he turned back, "Everything was gone," he said. "The trees were gone, the swimming pool was covered by the ocean. I was standing in the ocean. I looked back, nobody was there."

After a couple more steps, water hit his mouth. His nanny, holding his youngest daughter, started to struggle and the current pulled them out to the ocean.

"He tried to hold the baby, but the water took them out. I couldn't hold them anymore," Li said. "I started yelling . . . "

Hotel employees rushed to help them and brought everyone back inside, above the first floor.

"You're not very afraid at that moment. That was the first wave. But two hours later, the second one came. You think, `I'll die, OK.' But my little girls, my wife . . . that's scary," Li remembered.

That night, Li couldn't sleep at all, so he meditated.

"If God wanted me gone, the water would be here," he said, raising his hand above his forehead. "I couldn't save myself, I couldn't save my daughter, I couldn't swim--but I still have life. What can I do?"

The answer, Li decided, would be to ramp up charity work for his One Foundation (www.one-foundation.com) and to infuse his work with his Buddhist worldview.

"This is the perfect story to match my philosophy," Li says, referencing "Fearless."

The subject of the movie, Huo, turned martial arts into a sport, promoted it as a spiritual discipline and took on all challengers to defend China's martial honor in a series of high-profile exhibition fights against foreigners.

I was going to write about what he must've gone through during those seconds of sheer terror as he saw his daughter being taken out to sea while he was surrounded by one of the most viceral scenes of devastation that humanity can witness. I was going to write about how helpless he must have felt---an athlete at the top of his profession who couldn't swim nor save his family. Instead I'll say that it made me feel great admiration for him--that he is able to face that tragedy with an open mind thanks to years of mental discipline. It is his ability to address and then survive the aftermath of such a thing that makes him fearless and not foolhardy.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Pirorities

We iron out some of our offensive and defensive issues. Michael Wood is an awesome co-captain. I am proud of my team. Rival won sectionals.

Now back to work. My job hits another milestone tomorrow as DriveThruComics.com goes "public"....i.e. I spend most of my day posting things to places all around the internet about it being live, drafting press releases, and scrambling like a maniac.

There are four main things that help me alleviate stress.

1) my wife, the lovely Erin Coker
2) my dogs - Los Nonsters and the Jibba Jab
3) cuteoverload.com
4) talking like a pirate....so enjoy the instructional video.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Dark Night

NPR comes again with a nice series. "That Old Piece of Cloth". This is a transcript of Frank Miller's essay about 9/11 and his perception of patriotism. Miller is big news in the comics and entertainment world. On the 5th anniversary of the event I'm feeling a strange mix of mourning, anger, and a small amount of hope.

"Morning Edition, September 11, 2006 · I was just a boy in the 1960s. My adolescence wasn't infused with the civil rights struggle or the sexual revolution or the Vietnam War, but with their aftermath.

My high school teachers were ex-hippies and Vietnam vets. People who protested the war and people who served as soldiers. I was taught more about John Lennon than I was about Thomas Jefferson.

Both of my parents were World War II veterans. FDR-era patriots. And I was exactly the age to rebel against them.

It all fit together rather neatly. I could never stomach the flower-child twaddle of the '60s crowd and I was ready to believe that our flag was just an old piece of cloth and that patriotism was just some quaint relic, best left behind us.

It was all about the ideas. I schooled myself in the writings of Madison and Franklin and Adams and Jefferson. I came to love those noble, indestructible ideas. They were ideas, to my young mind, of rebellion and independence, not of idolatry.

But not that piece of old cloth. To me, that stood for unthinking patriotism. It meant about as much to me as that insipid peace sign that was everywhere I looked: just another symbol of a generation's sentimentality, of its narcissistic worship of its own past glories.

Then came that sunny September morning when airplanes crashed into towers a very few miles from my home and thousands of my neighbors were ruthlessly incinerated -- reduced to ash. Now, I draw and write comic books. One thing my job involves is making up bad guys. Imagining human villainy in all its forms. Now the real thing had shown up. The real thing murdered my neighbors. In my city. In my country. Breathing in that awful, chalky crap that filled up the lungs of every New Yorker, then coughing it right out, not knowing what I was coughing up.

For the first time in my life, I know how it feels to face an existential menace. They want us to die. All of a sudden I realize what my parents were talking about all those years.

Patriotism, I now believe, isn't some sentimental, old conceit. It's self-preservation. I believe patriotism is central to a nation's survival. Ben Franklin said it: If we don't all hang together, we all hang separately. Just like you have to fight to protect your friends and family, and you count on them to watch your own back.

So you've got to do what you can to help your country survive. That's if you think your country is worth a damn. Warts and all.

So I've gotten rather fond of that old piece of cloth. Now, when I look at it, I see something precious. I see something perishable."

Friday, September 08, 2006

Mr. Anderson

So I don't have much time to post these days....what with DriveThruComics.com quickly approaching public launch and the ultimate season leaving our opponents nothing short of bruised, broken, and crying to their mommas. So I'll pass along a speech I read today by Mr. Anderson--Mayor Ross C. "Rocky" Anderson of Salt Lake City. While it's not the best writing around, it's a pretty good explanation of how I feel about the whole, you know, war and president thing--who have been dodging the bullet of blame for too long now...

LE SPEECH FANTASTIQUE

A patriot is a person who loves his or her country. Who among you loves your country so much that you have come here today to raise your voice out of deep concern for our nation — and our world? And who among you loves your country so much that you insist that our nation's leaders tell us the truth? So let's hear it: "Give us the truth! Give us the truth! Give us the truth! Give us the truth! Give us the truth!" Because if we had had the truth, we wouldn't be here today.

Let no one deny we are patriots. We support our nation's troops. Let's hear it for our nation's troops! We have so many veterans here today. Let's here it for the veterans! We are grateful to our veterans who have sacrificed so much for our freedoms. We love our country, we hold dear the values upon which our nation was founded, and we are distressed at what our President, our administration, and our Congress are doing to, and in the name of, our nation.

So to James Evans and these folks who financed this massive radio campaign these last few days, let them understand that blind faith in bad leaders is not patriotism. A patriot does not tell people who are intensely concerned about their country to just sit down and be quiet; to refrain from speaking out in the name of politeness or for the sake of being a good host; to show slavish, blind obedience and deference to a dishonest, war-mongering, human-rights-violating president.

That is not a patriot. Rather, that person is a sycophant. That person is a member of a frightening culture of obedience — a culture where falling in line with authority is more important than choosing what is right, even if it is not easy, safe, or popular. And, I suspect, that person is afraid —afraid we are right, afraid of the truth (even to the point of denying it), afraid he or she has put in with an oppressive, inhumane, regime that does not respect the laws and traditions of our country, and that history will rank as the worst presidency our nation has ever had to endure.

In response to those who believe we should blindly support this disastrous president, his administration, and the complacent, complicit Congress, listen to the words of Theodore Roosevelt, a great president and, I might remind everyone, a Republican, who said: "The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right."

President Roosevelt continued: "Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President,"—listen up Utah Republicans and James Evans, and all the good Republicans listening today—"or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing"—President Roosevelt didn't stop there—"but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else."

Those were the words of Teddy Roosevelt, a great president who knew the true meaning of patriotism. We are here today as truth-tellers. And we are here to demand: "Give us the truth! Give us the truth! Give us the truth! Give us the truth!" We are here today to insist that those who were elected to be our leaders must tell us the truth. We are here today to insist that our news media live up to its sacred responsibility to ascertain and report the truth, that our news media live up to its sacred responsibility to ascertain and report the truth rather than acting like nothing more than a bulletin board for the lies and propaganda of a manipulative, dishonest federal government.

We have been getting just about everything but the truth on matters of life and death, on matters upon which our nation's reputation hinges, on matters that directly relate to our nation's most fundamental values, and on matters relating to the survival of our planet.

In the process, our nation has engaged in a tragic, unnecessary war, based upon categorically false justifications. More than a hundred thousand people have been killed — and many more have been seriously maimed, brain damaged, or rendered mentally ill. Our nation's reputation throughout much of the world has been destroyed. We have many more enemies bent on our destruction than before our invasion of Iraq. And the hatred toward us has grown to the point that it will take many years, perhaps generations, to overcome the loathing created by our unjustified, illegal invasion and occupation of a Muslim nation.

What incredible ineptitude and callousness for our President to talk about a Crusade while lying to us to make a case for the invasion and occupation of a Muslim country! Our children and later generations will pay the price of the lies, the violence, the cruelty, the incompetence, and the inhumanity of the Bush administration and the lackey Congress that has so cowardly abrogated its responsibility and authority under our checks-and-balances system of government.

We are here to say, "We will not stand for it any more. No more lies. No more pre-emptive, illegal war, based on false information. No more God-is-on-our-side religious nonsense to justify this immoral, illegal war. We are here to say most fundamentally, no more inhumanity in the name of our nation." Let's raise our voices, and demand to the administration and our news media, "Give us the truth! Give us the truth! Give us the truth!"

Let's consider some of the most monstrous lies — lies that have led us, like a nation of sheep, to this tragic war:

Following September 11, 2001, the world knew that Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda were responsible for the horrific attacks on our country. Our long-time allies were sympathetic and supportive. But our president transformed that support into international disdain for the United States, choosing to illegally invade and occupy Iraq, rather than focus on and capture the perpetrators of the 9/11 attacks.

Why invade and occupy Iraq when it was bin Laden and al Qaeda who attacked our country and still haven't been brought to justice?

Vice President Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice represented to us, without qualification, that there were strong ties between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda. In September, 2002, President Bush made the incredible and absolutely false claim that "You can't distinguish between al Qaeda and Saddam." President Bush represented to Congress, without any factual basis whatsoever, that Iraq planned, authorized, committed, or aided the 9/11 attacks. Our President and Vice-President, along with an unquestioning news media, repeatedly led our nation to believe that there was a working relationship between al Qaeda and the Iraqi government, a relationship that threatened the United States.

Even last week, when I met with Thomas Bock, the National Commander of the American Legion, I asked him why we are engaged in the war in Iraq. Why did we invade and occupy Iraq? He said, "Why, of course, because of the 9/11 attacks on our country." I asked, "What did Iraq have to do with those attacks?" He looked puzzled, and said, "Well, the connection between al Qaeda and Iraq." I was shocked. I was stunned. Here is a man who has criticized us for opposing the war in Iraq — and he is so completely wrong about the underlying facts to justify this war.

Not only has there never been any evidence of any involvement by Saddam or Iraq with the attacks on 9/11, but there has never been any evidence of any operational connection whatsoever between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda.

And Colin Powell finally conceded that there is, and these are his words, no "concrete evidence about the connection." "The chairman of the monitoring group appointed by the United Nations Security Council to track al Qaeda" disclosed that "his team had found no evidence linking al Qaeda to Saddam Hussein." And the top investigator for our European allies has said, 'If there were (any) such links, we would have found them. But we have found no serious connections whatsoever.'"

President Bush, by the way, finally admitted nine days ago on Aug. 21 during a press conference that there was no connection between the attacks on 9/11 and Iraq. It's terrific that the President has now admitted what others have known for so long — but where is the accountability for the tragic war we were led into on the basis of his earlier misrepresentations?

Beside the fictions of Saddam Hussein somehow being linked to the 9/11 attacks and his supposed connections with al Qaeda, what was the principal justification for forgoing additional weapons inspections, working with our allies toward a solution, refraining from seeking additional resolutions from the United Nations consistent with international law, and hurrying to war — a so-called "pre-emptive" war — in which we would attack and occupy a Muslim nation that posed no security risk to the United States, and cause the deaths of so many thousands of innocent men, women, and children — and the deaths and lifetime injuries to so many thousands of our own servicemen and servicewomen?

The principal claim was that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction — biological and chemical weapons — and was seeking to build up a nuclear weapons capability. As we now know, there was nothing — no evidence whatsoever — to support those false claims.

President Bush represented to us — and to people around the world — that one of the reasons we needed to make war in Iraq — and to do it right away — was because Saddam Hussein was seeking to build nuclear weapons. His assertions about Saddam Hussein trying to purchase nuclear materials from an African nation and about Iraq seeking to obtain aluminum tubes for the enrichment of uranium were challenged at the time by our own intelligence agency and by our own scientists, yet President Bush failed to tell us that! Ten days, 10 days, before the invasion of Iraq, it was proven that the documents upon which President Bush's claim about Saddam Hussein trying to obtain uranium was based were forgeries. That was found 10 days before we invaded Iraq. However, President Bush did not disclose that to the American people. By that failure, he betrayed each of us, he betrayed our country, and he betrayed the cause of world peace.

Neither did the vast majority of the news media in this country disclose the forgeries — until it was far too late. It took our local newspapers here in Salt Lake City four months — until after the war was commenced and until after President Bush declared that major combat in Iraq was over — to report the discovery that the documents were forgeries — and, therefore, that there was no basis for the false claims about Saddam Hussein trying to build up a nuclear capability. By its failure to promptly disclose those forgeries, our news media betrayed us as well.

Had the American people known we were being lied to — had President Bush informed us that the documents were forged and that he had no other basis for his claim — had our nation's media done its job, rather than slavishly repeating to us the lies being fed to it by the Bush administration — our nation very well may not have allowed the commencement of this outrageous, illegal, unjustified war.

Then-National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice said that high-strength aluminum tubes acquired by Iraq were "only really suited for nuclear weapons programs," warning "we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud." Undisclosed by President Bush or Condoleezza Rice was the fact that top nuclear scientists had informed the Administration that those tubes were "too narrow, too heavy, too long" to be useful in developing nuclear weapons and could be used for other purposes. Dr. Mohamed El Baradei, director general of the International Atomic Energy Agency, agreed.

So, so much for the phony claims of Saddam Hussein building nuclear weapons, which were the primary claims justifying the rush to war, without working with the United Nations, without working with our long-time allies, without giving the weapons inspectors an opportunity to do their job, which if they had that opportunity they would have disclosed what we know now — and that is there were no weapons of mass destruction.

What were we told about chemical and biological weapons of mass destruction? These claims were as baseless and fraudulent as the claims about nuclear weapons. President Bush told us in his January 2003 State of the Union address that Hussein had the materials to produce as much as 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent. Then, in May of 2003, he made the outlandish statement that, it turns out to be totally false, "We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories."

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the (same) secretary of defense who assured us that the war would take maybe six days, maybe six weeks, but he doubted as long as six months. He told us at that time, "We know where the weapons of mass destruction are." Vice President Cheney and then-Secretary of State Powell also joined in the chorus of lies and misinformation about weapons of mass destruction.

Of course, no stockpiles of biological or chemical weapons were found. Bush Administration Weapons Inspector David Kay, appointed by the Bush administration, noted that Iraq did not have an ongoing chemical weapons program after 1991 — a conclusion remarkably similar to statements made by Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice just months before the 9/11 attacks — and before they sacrificed the truth in the service of promoting the Bush administration's case for war against Iraq.

On February 24, 2001, less than 7 months before 9/11, Colin Powell said that Saddam Hussein, and these were his words, "has not developed any significant capability with respect to weapons of mass destruction. He is unable to project conventional power against his neighbors," said Colin Powell, some seven months before 9/11. And in July 2001, two months before 9/11, Condoleezza Rice said, and these were her words: "We are able to keep his arms from him. His military forces have not been rebuilt." She told us two months before 9/11.

It is astounding how they changed their claims after the President decided to make a case for the invasion and occupation of Iraq! To think that we could be lied to by so many members of the Bush administration with such impunity is frightening — chilling. Yet these imperious, arrogant, dishonest people think we should continue to just fall in line with them and continue to take them at their word after we have been lied to time after time after time by these people.

The truth has been established. It is the established truth. Iraq had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks on the United States. There is no evidence of any operational ties between Iraq and al Qaeda. And there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

What a tragedy, leading to greater tragedy. We are fed lie after lie, our media reinforces those lies, and we are a nation that has been led to a tragic, illegal, unprovoked war.

We are here today because of our values. We love our country. We cherish the freedoms and liberties of our country. We don't call those who speak out against our nation's leaders unpatriotic or un-American or appeasers of fascists, as we heard from our nation's secretary of defense yesterday. We have good, wholesome family values. In our families, we teach honesty, we teach kindness and compassion toward others, we teach that violence, if ever justified, must be an absolutely last resort. In our families, we teach that our nation's constitutional values are to be upheld, and that they are worth standing up, as we are here today, and fighting for. Our family values promote respect and equal rights toward everyone, regardless of race, regardless of ethnic origin, and regardless of sexual orientation. In our families, we teach the value of hard work and competence — and we are left to wonder about a President who, after receiving an intelligence memo about the threat posed by al Qaeda, decides to continue his month-long vacation — just before the 9/11 attacks on our country.

As we demand the truth from others, let us also face the truth. Our government all too often has not cared at all about the human rights of people in other nations — and it doesn't really care about democracy, unless it leads to the election of those who will do our bidding.

Consider the irony regarding the claims that Saddam had chemical weapons and, because of that, we needed to rush to war in Iraq. When Saddam Hussein was using chemical weapons — first against Iranians, then against his own people, the Kurds — our country provided him with biological and chemical agents and equipment to make the weapons. Presidents Reagan and George H.W. Bush refused even to support economic sanctions, let alone go to war against him, against Hussein for his use of weapons of mass destruction. What did our nation do in response to Hussein's use of chemical weapons, killing tens of thousand of people, when he actually had them and we knew that he had them? We befriended, coddled, and rewarded him — with government-guaranteed loans totaling $5 billion since 1983, freeing up currency for Hussein to modernize his military assets. Perhaps those in the United States government who aided and abetted Saddam Hussein to further US business interests, while he was gassing the Kurds, should be sharing his courtroom dock as he is now being tried for crimes against humanity.

No more lies, no more hiding of the truth — we can stand the truth — no more wars that more than triple the value of stock in Dick Cheney's prior employer, Halliburton — and which, as of last September, has increased the value of the Halliburton CEO's stock by $78 million. We are patriots. We are deeply concerned. And we demand change, now. I want to hear from you.

No more lies from Condoleezza Rice about whether she and President Bush were advised before 9/11 of the possibility of planes being flown into buildings by terrorists. No more.
No more gross incompetence in the office of the Secretary of Defense.
No more torture of human beings.
No more disregard of the basic human rights enshrined in the Geneva Convention.
No more kidnapping of people and sending them off to secret prisons in nations where they will be tortured.
No more unconstitutional wiretapping of Americans.
No more proposed amendments to the United States Constitution that would, for the first time in our nation's history, limit fundamental rights and liberties for entire classes of people simply on the basis of sexual orientation.
No more federal land giveaways to developers.
No more increases in mercury emissions from old, dirty, dangerous coalburning power plants.
No more backroom deals that deprive protection for millions of acres of wild lands in our nation.
No more attacks on immigrants who work so hard to build better lives in this nation.
No more inaction by Congress on fixing our hypocritical and inconsistent immigration laws and practices.
No more reliance on fiction rather than the science of global warming.
No more manipulation of our media with false propaganda.
No more disastrous cuts in funding for those most in need.
No more federal cuts in community policing and local law enforcement grant programs for our cities.
No more inaction on stopping the tragic genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan.
No more of the Patriot Act.
No more killing.
No more supposedly pre-emptive wars.
No more contempt for our long-time allies around the world.
No more dependence on foreign oil.
No more failure to impose increased fuel efficiency standards for automobiles manufactured in this country.
No more energy policies developed in secret meetings between Dick Cheney and his energy company cronies.
No more excuses for failing to aggressively cut global warming pollutant emissions.
No more tragically incompetent federal responses to natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina.
No more tax cuts for the wealthiest, while the middle class and those who are economically-disadvantaged continue to struggle more and more each year.
No more reckless spending and massive tax cuts, resulting in historic deficits and historic accumulated national debt.
No more purchasing of elections by the wealthiest corporations and individuals in our country.
No more phony, ineffective, inhumane so-called war on drugs.
No more failure to pass an increase in the minimum wage.
No more silence by the American people.

I, we can do this in Salt Lake City, we can do this throughout the entire country, and the world is going to hear us.

This is a new day. We will not be silent. We will continue to raise our voices. We will bring others with us. We will grow and grow, regardless of political party — unified in our insistence upon the truth, upon peace-making, upon more humane treatment of our brothers and sisters around the world.

We will be ever cognizant of our moral responsibility to speak up in the face of wrongdoing, and to work as we can for a better, safer, more just community, nation, and world.

So we won't let down. We won't be quiet. We will continue to resist the lies, the deception, the outrages of the Bush administration and this complacent, complicit, go-along Congress. We will insist that peace be pursued, and that, as a nation, we help those in need. We must break the cycle of hatred, of intolerance, of exploitation. We must pursue peace as vigorously as the Bush administration has pursued war. It's up to every single one of us to do our part.

Thank you everyone for lending your voices to this call for compassion, for peace, for greater humanity. Let us keep in mind the injunction of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Kindling.....


I apologize to my regular readers for the enigmatic nature of this post.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A lesson in thirds...


Just a lil' article for your reading pleasure. Nothin' like a lil' Tuesday mornin' report by the American Bar Association to freak your socks off.

Monday, July 17, 2006

First business trip

Oh glorious day...oh apprehensive sub-fortnight! I'll be heading to San Diego Comic Con International on Wednesday for my first ever business (sound link) trip. Yes, it will be full of talking and jibber-jabbering, waltzing about and undoubtedly requiring ibuprofen for my heel...BUT...

It shall be quite fun. My first "industry" show and a great Mecca of geekdom. I hope I get tix for the magnificent exclusive sneak preview of Samuel L. Jackson's finest movie ever...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Digital Dog Duel!

Another bit of technology falls into place. Canine combat 2 the xtreme!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Viva Italia

Here's what bad spirit earns you...no matter how good you are. Your headbutting ways were your downfall, Zidane! ITALY WINS THE WORLD CUP!

Click Zidane's Thuggish Mug to see him act naughty.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Those Special Two Days


Saturn is here to welcome me to his special day, a part of the weekend along with Sun's day. But will they be days of rest? I THINK NOT! Days of fun? I THINK SO!

White Wolf (my workplace) cookout tonight, practice tomorrow, Eyewonder (Erin's workplace) party tomorrow night, practice Sunday, potluck Sunday night for team decision time.

I predict:

Monday, June 19, 2006

Dewey and His Decimals.

Ah, UHF. What a wondrous movie. Pure, unadulterated comedy at its near finest. In addition, it served as a bastion of my childhood, amongst other things. In many ways, it was one of the generators of thousands of funny inside jokes between me and my friend Robert.

Recently my job has proliferated. We are starting to get in a ton of new content, some of which will have to be scanned in.

I've been signing on more and more publishers, which involves at least 40 precise e-mails to different publishers with different content and all of whom have a different story. You thought captaining with Michael Wood was time consuming? Oi vey (sp?)! In addition it means overseeing all the content going in, prepping most of them, and remembering no less than 10 processes which must be done in the correct order for each of them.

Back to Wierd Al's movie. "Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?!" - Conan the Librarian, UHF. Every day I have to further streamline my processes just to keep track of the information on all of the publishers. Who's got contracts in? Who's on the fence? When did I talk to Johnny McComicsums last?

Today the massive amount of processes reminded me of one of the most fascinating short stories I've ever read. The Library of Babel by Jorge Luis Borges. I read it during an English course I took in college about Apocalyptic literature. We read that, and like totally watched 12 Monkeys and stuff. It was awesome. I suggest giving it a read, its super keen.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Where's Joan Baez?

Joan Baez, where are you? Music industry, where are you? I just wanted to make a quick note this morning that I can't believe there isn't a popular song or artist that's speaking out against the war on a grand scale. Sure, there are songs by Bruce Springsteen and countless others, but nothing anthemic. Most of the anti-war songs are remakes from decades ago. The Dixie Chicks are protesting in their own way, but its self-righteous.

If the music industry can produce such superhits as "The Macarena", "The Thong Song", and "Who Let the Dogs Out" I'd like to see just one out of the top 20 on billboard capturing the zeigeist of disatisfaction and frustration about the war, the mishandling of Katrina, and every other damn thing the administration and congress is doing now. There are some top songs out there now that are metaphorically veiled critiques (such as Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy"[and awesome video links]), but nothing with true cojones [another awesome video link].

Where oh where is the "Killing in the Name", "Fuck tha Police", "911 is a Joke", "Cop Killer", "Fortunate Son", "Get Up Stand Up", "Bullet in the Blue Sky", or "Sunday Bloody Sunday"? America has a rich tradition of protest songs and the music industry is betraying it.


End note: Where oh where has my Air America gone? Also, I've been pondering why we call this the "War in Iraq". Definitely a telling naming choice.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Fox News: Fair and Correct?

Surely today, at some point, four horsemen will set out from somewhere and descend upon humanity. Surely, if it weren't for one of the signs of the reversal of apocalypse. FoxNews.com ran an opinion column that I actually agree with! I wonder if it will make the Daily Show or the Colbert Report. Check it out here.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

The Common Man

So I've thought of a concept for a new updatable blog, each post written from a different voice. Either in dialogue (multi-character reactions to the topic at hand) or monologue style (a la a diary).

Introducing:
THE GOON BREAK ROOM

Where underlings go to discuss their daily woes. So I've brainstormed a bunch of different types of goons (and I'm coming up with names for them), but I'd like to hear any suggestions you might have of your favorite archetypes...so comment away. I'll post here once I've written a post or two.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Back to your prison...

....you damned pasty-white Feet! You've enjoyed the winter time long enough! That's right kids, it's Summer League time again. This year Erin and I have surrounded ourselves with some of our closest friends, a whole bevy of estrogonic firepower, and enough Rivalites to feed Janus. The "lush" fields of Grant Park shall once again feel the angry stomping of my feet. Foes near and far shall tremble at our sight.

"Up until the punching, it was a real nice party". Dirt Nap Shindig 2006.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

No shirt no shoes some fun.


Just wanted to say a special thanks to all those who made our Memorial Day weekend a blast. Erin and I had a wonderful time, even if our teams didn't win the tournament. We survived an eggshelling, a vulture attack, Sterzy Woozy, Cracker Barrhell, a mean maccaw, The Hardest Avocados Known To Man, Quistaritas, something that's wonderful and HUGE and that will make you glad you stayed, the crow's nest, the odour of sulfur, and several impersonations that are for some reason still hilarious. Vacation me bra!

Monday, May 22, 2006

CNN Ya Latah!

My love-hate relationship with CNN.com, who brings me BREAKING NEWS! Has ended. This is the last straw. They haven't taken any of my constructive criticism to heart and now it's time to say goodbye.

In the great tradition of my coworker Conrad, who boycotts things left and right with seemingly irrevocable logic, I am adding CNN.com to my list. This morning's top story, of all the news in the world, is about a horse's surgery. Sure he won one of the races for the Triple Crown. But the mad and ridiculous rush to cover this minute-by-minute drama forced writers to mispell the word "doctor" in the headline. And they use what I so despise...the dreaded CNN.com "quotation marks" when describing his fate as a "coin toss".

Luckily, Foxnews.com is also running the same story as its headliner. I get to boycott them too, although I've only been there twice! Looks like I'm headed to NPR and Google News where they don't have a single mention of Barbaro's surgery.

---EDIT--- In the time it took me to write this post, the story has changed to "Barbaro eating, flirting with mares". I kid you not. So I gave CNN one last chance. And they disappointed me.

BOYCOTT ON!

Friday, May 19, 2006

You think you're an alcoholic?

I'm all for weirdness. I work at a gaming company. Good times.

I'm even occasionally for a little relaxation. A couple beers. Good times.

But one can go overboard. WAY overboard like a condo tenant in Utah did. In 8 years of living there he filled his condo with about 70,000 empty cans. Almost all of them were Coors Light. That's 24 beers A DAY for 8 years.

He'd shut off his own water and heat. The piles of silver bullets had obscured his furniture and blocked the front door. The cans were worth $800 in recycling, which I am sure pales in comparison to the cleaning bill. The mailman had never delivered mail there.

But every month a check came for the rent.

Here are some obvious questions that really have no possible answer.
Some conclusions.
If you want to see the story, check out CNN.com. Apparently there isn't anything else important going on in the world today.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

When your vote woulda counted...

...and you don't use it, it really really is disappointing.
33.06%
33.26%
33.68%
50 million votes.
And America takes out my boy. We'll miss you Elliot!
Stupid stupid stupid other voters who got off their lazy butts.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Split Flea Soup

Ahh, the folly of early science! Oh misaligned humours, oh spiritual justification, oh icky grody symptoms!

It's everybody's favorite pandemic. THE BUBONIC PLAGUE. Sounds kinda scary in a sort of distant past sorta way. Well, worry not dear reader. The past is behind us. An early Europe being held hostage by the whims of an army of dirty fleas is well distant. We owe so much to that time.
  • Monty Python and the Holy Grail wouldn't be as complete a masterpiece without its inclusion
  • Nobody would be able to imitate the voice of Fantasy Island little person Tattoo in saying "The Plague, boss, the Plague!"
  • Chihuahuas wouldn't rise in popularity to the detriment of their pet-competitors, rats
  • Ye Olde Headstone Shoppe of York wouldn't have done such a brisk business
  • Legends of witches, vampires, and other horrific nasties wouldn't pack the same punch without rumours they were the ones spreading the plague
  • The word Ebonics wouldn't sound as sinister as it does to the compassionate conservatives.

But, as all exciting things do, the plague has returned. Don't worry Frenchy le Frencher, German von Germanic, Italian Italiani, or neutral Swiss person, its near Salt Lake City!

The hallowed land of the Mormons is under attack from a powerful and evil flea circus. Before you call your relatives there and recommend Xtra Strength Canine Advantix for your uncle's dog Spotty, I'll be more specific. A campground at Natural Bridges National Monument has been closed because of bubonic plague detected among field mice and chipmunks.

Puxatawny Phil, Mickey, Alvin, and friends watch out! Apparently one of those guys got on a plane and flew to Mesa Verde National Park and Colorodo National Monument as well.

"We come down on the conservative side when it comes to closing campgrounds," said Joe Winkelmaier of the US Public Health Service. "We just like to be sure when it comes to plague."

Funny quote Fonz's nephew! Well, good to know that a field full of dead mice catches someone's attention. All I know is I'm going to start putting together a Bubonic Preparedness Kit. Here's what I'm planning on putting in it.

  • Plastic sheeting and duct tape. It keeps out anything!
  • Something to duck and cover under, like a school desk
  • Strategic plans to fight the mice in Iraq instead of here
  • Extra toilet paper for the extra diarrhea
  • A Hollywood makeup artist to prevent unsightly black patches of the skin
  • A fine quill, gilded ink, and anough papyrus to record the collected wealth of our civilization for posterity
  • Some tasty cheese to sacrifice to the lead rat
  • Pigpen, to whom fleas will flock instead of me

I urge you to do the same.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

A softer side of Ned.

If you are about to enter into a stressful situation (such as a job interview), have had a rough day, or just plain want to smile. You must...MUST....check out Cute Overload. I am not joking. It's a freakin cure-all miracle drug.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Pardon me?!


Good ol' American Justice! The home of (almost) every great vigilante bent on righting the wrongs society lets slip through the cracks, America has had a long history of unflappable lawyers defying mafia bosses! Whistleblowers bringing down big corporations! The common man sitting wherever on whatever bus she damn well pleases.

Check this out. Or, better yet, balance it out. The government abruptly ended its inquiry into a warrantless eavesdropping program because the National Security Agency refused to grant Justice Department lawyers the necessary security clearance.

That's pretty damn tragic. I'm adding it to my long long long list of outrages against this administration, political turncoatery, and the inadherence to the same group of principles we use as justification to declare war on other nations. Recently there have been many criticisms of Russia's step back from Democracy. If that's a step back, then this is a giant leap, a cataclysmic-pounce-in-reverse. Oversight committees are there for oversight. No man or woman or agency made up of them is beyond the law. That includes those that make the law.

If they are that worried about necessary security clearance, then how do they have humans working for them in the first place? I had to sign an NDA for my new job. I had to sign it as an intern. Just slap one of them puppies down on the Justice Dept. desk and have at it. Unless you have something to hide. Or you are made up entirely of robots. Maybe killer robots who drink gas and eat innocent children.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Gnarly Dudes


Just go out and buy it, however you can legally get it.

Gnarls Barkley - "St. Elsewhere".

I said get up and go and freakin buy it!

You've got to love it when two talented individuals come together and collaborate on something and that something turns out to be wonderful. Exceeding your expectations. For those unfamiliar: Danger Mouse (on the left) gained international notoriety for mixing Jay-Z's Black Album over the Beatles' White Album and shooting it out over the internet as the Grey Album. Cee-Lo (the short fella on the right) grew up in the Atlanta rap scene alongside Outcast and the Dungeon Family.

Plus, can you go wrong with a guy who looks like David Blaine and a dude who has one of the strangest southern accents you've ever heard both dressed up in an homage to A Clockwork Orange for a promo shoot?!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Like totally karmic

Few things have disappointed me on a cosmic scale as much as last week when I got some takeout Chinese food and was denied my AMERICAN RIGHT to read my fortune upon cracking the eery pseudough of my after-dinner treat. My cries of outrage must've reached the heavens...for just now I reached to my prepackaged dessert to find two cookies packaged where one had been each time before. I named my two new friends Chang and Eng, for they had lived so long, so close together in in a plastic prison that must've tested the dexterity of the machine that sealed it and the social graces of the two cookies inside.

And much to my happiness, there were fortunes in each of them. For each fortune I read, I don't add "in bed" to the end like most people do. Instead, I try to imagine who wrote each cookie and why.

Fortune 1 (I ate the surrounding pseudough)
Penned by a descendent of Dr. Frankenstein named Teddy Franks (geneology was tough to prove considering the Americanization of the name once his grandfather arrived at Ellis Island in 1911), this bit of invaluable and enigmatic advice acts as both a family motto and as a call to arms for his new branch of research involving the Asian concept of chi and the time-honored pursuit of immortality.
"Try to channel excess energies into rejuvenation."

Fortune 2 (One folded morsel of pseudough is enough)
Lovingly crafted in a dark apartment strewn with pizza boxes, the glare of a computer with a greasy mouse and a crumb-caked keyboard by Harry Holcomb. Bereft of real friends thanks to staggering social behaviours he cares not to change but exhibits freely on various less-than-wholesome websites on a pay-by-basis, he has compartmentalized his bits of conversation into several easy-to-understand English phrases that are designed not to wow, but convey his "interest" in people. No thanks Harry, I'm not buying what you're selling. It's going to take more than a vacuous compliment to rattle my cage!
"You are talented in many ways."

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Tracing back the branches


Will Hindmarch, Vampire: The Requiem developer, renaissance man, and irrefutable fuddy-duddy, forwarded an article around to the office a week or two ago. I just got around to reading it this morning as I was waiting for my check engine light to be checked (everything's A-OK).

LARPing, a phenomenon in Scandinavia? Even I don't go THIS far!

It's an interesting trip through the prehistory of my job. For anyone who could in any way, shape, or form be considered to have a nerdish streak, this article will fascinate you. For those who yearn to understand their nerdish spouses, partners, or relatives, it might help you unlock their inner secrets.
Without further ado, here is the article.

Uncle Walt

Disney is great and all. Some people even have an unfortunate obsession with it. Yet I speak not of the man subject to much conspiratorial speculation. He's the salt of the earth. American Poet. Introducing Walt Whitman. I heard this poem on NPR. Me like the words. Me repost them here.

Reconciliation

Word over all, beautiful as the sky,

Beautiful that war and all its deeds of carnage must in time be utterly lost,

That the hands of the sisters Death and Night incessantly softly wash again, and ever again, this solid world;

For my enemy is dead, a man divine as myself is dead,

I look where he lies white-faced and still in the coffin--I draw near,

Bend down and touch lightly with my lips the white face in the coffin.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

The Adventures of Salaried Man!


"To create a little flower is the labour of ages." - William Blake

Well, hell, ain't that the truth. I am proud to say that finally, after much time and effort, I have finally become a working stiff. My warm body will fuel the capitalistic machine and integrate itself into the great American Dream.

My wonderful internship (thanks Kelley!) at White Wolf Publishing has finally blossomed into a beautiful flower that is a paycheck. I'll be doing sales and marketing for DriveThruRPG, which sells .PDF (digital copies) of roleplaying game books. It's housed in the same offices as my internship, so I won't have to move my cubicle stuff far, if at all. Click the image above and BUY LOTS OF STUFF!!

Basically I'll be acquiring and maintaining publishers to host their products on our site. There are a couple things down the road that I'll be handling as well, but they might be top secret. So you'll just have to wait! I'll also be doing some traveling throughout the year on the company buck--to gaming conventions.

I know, I know. It's a rough life. But somebody's got to live it.

This post might be edited later with more info, but right now I'm off to finish up some ongoing projects for my internship.