"It's Trimspiracy, Baby!"

The octogenarian billionaire world is still reeling (vid link;) from what might eventually prove to be a Sizemore-esque ending to Anna Nicole Smith's life. She lived fast, skanky, fat, then skinny. She died youngish.

She rose from relative obscurity as Vickie Lynn Hogan, the perfect small town heroine from Mexia, Texas. Quintessentially hick, she married a 17 year old Billy Smith when she was 16, having fallen in love while working together at Jim's Krispy Fried Chicken. As much as you think that's a joke, here's the punchline--her parents are named Donald Eugene and Virgie Mae Tabers (20 and 16 respectively when birthing her). As we all know, the stars at night are big and bright...and a year later out popped D. Wayne Smith.

Her path took her ever upwards, working at a strip club named Gigi's in Houston. There she met elderly oil billionaire (and decidedly non-hick-named) J. Howard Marshall. Some lapdances were exchanged and love was in the air in the champagne room for the first time ever.

Two years later, in 1993, Billy say bye bye because Billy have no billions of bucks. 13 months later J. Howard Marshall changed his name to J. Howard Tuhlip-Poosher. In that same year she was Playmate of the Year, which apparently means you are superfamous for the rest of eternity.

She soon fought E. Pierce Marshall (also non-hick-named) for the inheritance. Here's another punchline or two from Wikipedia...

"The U.S. Supreme Court decided in September 2005 to hear the appeal of that decision. The Bush administration subsequently directed the Solicitor General to intercede on Smith's behalf out of an interest to expand federal court jurisdiction over state probate disputes.

After months of waiting, Smith and her stepson Pierce learned of the Supreme Court's decision on May 1, 2006. The justices unanimously decided in favor of Smith; Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote the majority opinion. (See Marshall v. Marshall)The decision did not give Smith a portion of her husband's estate, but affirmed her right to pursue a share of it in federal court. "

You read that right. Supreme Court. She went before the Supreme Court. Clarence Thomas was undoubtedly elated.

A film and television "career" was had. She Oprahed back and forth. She met another man with an initial as part of his name. Her son O.D.'d. Sad stuff.

I make fun of this poor, confused, and elevated woman because she constantly did. I'm not saying that as if I know her, but when you put your best boobs forward, you're going to be the butt of many jokes.

BUT IS THERE A DARKER SECRET HERE?

What do David Beckham and Marky Mark's love child have to do with it (see above)? Is he protecting her now that she knows the inner secrets of the Bush Administration and the veiled inner-workings of the Supreme Court? Or is he paired with ZZ Top (above as well) to kill her with a lethal overdose of Trimspa? Is Jenny Craig behind it all (not pictured above). She was found at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, FL--perhaps the first step in vengeance for the Trail of Tears? Watch out Jenny McCarthy!

All things to think about, or not.